I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
