I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
