I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
