So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
