Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
