so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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