I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
