you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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