literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Someone signed my nipple.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
