I think I am morally bankrupt
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
