oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
