There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
