My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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