i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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