I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
