he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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