At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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