He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
