Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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