piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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