He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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