dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
