he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
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