I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
