So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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