I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
