just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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