My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
