Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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