we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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