can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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