I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
