if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
