i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
