Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
