Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
