I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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