Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
