I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
