she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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