And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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