I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
