"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
