He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
