How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
