i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
