one two three fourrrrnication!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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