On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The power of my boobs compel you
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
