Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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