I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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