Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
