Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
