Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
